Love

What is love?  It’s an emotion we each define for ourselves, but I especially like the definition I discovered years ago from the German philosopher Rainer Maria Rilke in his “Letters to a Young Poet,” which I’ve interpreted to mean:

“Love consists in this — it is when two solitudes know, and touch, and protect each other.”

“Two solitudes.”  That’s not the whale swallowing up Jonah. It’s about maintaining our individuality, and keeping respectful boundaries, without the need to possess one another.  We love our children. Perhaps our greatest gift to them is when we recognize them as solitudes (adults), bestow upon them our trust, and wish them well. I still remember my tears when my eldest, waving goodbye, boarded an airplane taking her across the country to college.

“know” — that means to know and trust on a deep, meaningful level. When one of my sons, an outdoorsman, asked me to help him select a sports jacket for an interview, he admitted, “Dad, I don’t know anything about business attire.”  Of course, if I were stranded in the wilderness, there is no one I would trust more than my son to help me survive.

“touch” — physically?  Of course. From the time we are infants we crave physical touch, the desire to be held close to another human. And then, there is the intimate touch between lovers that connects us physically across the abyss of our solitude. There’s also the caring touch between friends, a warm hug shared in greeting, or in saying goodbye, or to provide comfort.

“and protect” — that’s fairly easy to define, if not to do. To me, Daveen and I have protected each other, looking out for one another’s best interest, for almost half a century. That does not imply that we don’t have many differing points of view, or that the road has been as smooth as an Interstate highway.  There have been many bumps and detours, primarily mine, and, as for every one of us, our future is shrouded in mist. But each of us has been there “to protect” the other and, in the words of Robert Frost (misapplied but pertinent), “that has made all the difference.”

Love. Worth thinking about. Worth searching for. Well worth nurturing.

Alan