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My friend David has directed many plays in many theaters.  I sat next to him one day at The Whitefire Theater in Sherman Oaks, California, while he auditioned actors for his next production.  One aspiring actor after another took the stage to perform.

Shortly after the second actor began to audition, David turned to me and resumed our conversation.  I was uncomfortable because we were both ignoring the actor, but I was a guest and, as such, followed his lead.

But when David turned to talk to me during the performance by the third actor, then the fourth, I felt compelled to say something.

“David, these actors are auditioning for a job.  Shouldn’t we at least listen to them?”

“Alan,” he said, “I want actors who will hold the attention of the audience.”  David had won several acting awards earlier in his career, and presumably knew what he was talking about.  “I want an actor who carries a sense of danger, so I don’t know what he or she might do next.”

“But we’re not being very polite.”  I hate rejection and was identifying with the actors, not the director.

“If an actor doesn’t hold my attention,” he said, “they don’t belong in my play.”

When the fourth actor finished his piece David turned to dismiss him with a curt, “Thanks.  We’ll let you know.”  I was uncomfortable because it seemed to me the actor was, understandably, disappointed.  I was thankful that, although I acted in a few plays in high school, I wasn’t very good and was never tempted to become an actor.  In retrospect I would have hated the ordeal of auditioning three or four times a day, being repeatedly rejected, and even if I was selected, in a day or a month I would be back on the street, auditioning again.  Ugh!

That audition was many years ago, but I have carried with me from that day to this two ideas. One is that it is up to the actor to grab my attention. I agree with my director friend on that point.  I don’t, however, agree with his treatment of the individuals auditioning for him.

We are all on stage for each other at many different times in our lives and I believe we have an obligation to be compassionate. Even when the one auditioning (or applying for a job or trying to sell me an insurance policy) might not have grabbed my attention, I owe him or her the polite consideration of my notice for a brief moment of time. And if they don’t succeed in grabbing my attention, I can let them know as directly and kindly as possible. It might be my turn on stage next time.

So while you will still need to get my attention to get the part. I will treat you respectfully even if you don’t.  It might still be up to you to grab my attention, but it’s up to me to be kind.

Alan

None of us knows what will happen tomorrow.

One Monday morning my brother David didn’t show up for work. He was only sixty years old, and yet the unthinkable had happened. We have missed him for more than twelve years now.

Yesterday we received a call that Danny, our beloved cousin, had been admitted to City of Hope with a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.  His daughter was flying in from England, and his son driving down to Los Angeles from Fresno.

Bad stuff happens.  We all know that.  But too often we forget that every one of us can create good stuff.  A lot of good stuff.  Every day.

What’s the good stuff?  Four days before he failed to arrive for work, my brother wrote a three-page birthday letter to his adult son Kevin.  In his letter David told Kevin how proud he was of him, and how important Kevin was in his life.  Kevin read the letter to us at David’s memorial service. It was the most meaningful and lasting gift his father could have given to him.

Are you “up to date” with everyone you care about in your life?  Are there any “I love you’s” left unsaid that you still intend to deliver to your mother, your father, or anyone else who is special to you?  Will you tell them the next time you see them?  Why not call or text them right now?

And you have the power to do so much more. Why wait to convey “thank you,” “I appreciate you,” “you’re my hero,” or any other positive message you feel in your heart to anyone and everyone you meet?

Although we can never tell about tomorrow, or even ten minutes from now, I like to bring light and joy into the lives of those I care about every time I see them.

You can make a difference in someone else’s life.  Right now.

Alan

I find that I am often thinking or writing about how to improve my life, how to perform a task better, or how to avoid a problem.  Today I’d rather just write about the top ten things I enjoy in my life – in other words, what reliably transforms my mood to happy.  I list these in no particular order, because each of them brings a smile to my face, for a shorter or longer period of time, and happy is happy.  There is no eighty percent or eighty-five percent about it.

1. Chocolate ice cream. Enough said.
2. An orange sunset, with clouds.
3. Good news. Of course, my happiness lasts about as long as my happiness from that dish of chocolate ice cream.
4. Making love.
5. Cuddling.
6. A movie or play that is deeply moving such as Million Dollar Baby.
7. A kind note from a reader.
8. Connecting with someone face to face in a personal conversation.
9. The three battery-operated but real looking candles in my bedroom, which turn themselves on at 8:00 pm each night.
10. Money in the bank.

Goodness!  Just writing about what makes me happy brings me happiness, so I’ll add one more – being with young children who are excited and happy.

What are your top ten?  Or five?  Or twenty?  Let me know, and I’ll share reader responses in a future blog.

I wish you a happy Tuesday.

Alan