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Several days ago, on March 5, 2016, I celebrated my 76^th birthday.  Actually, I celebrated from March 3^rd through March 6^th.  Why not enjoy a good thing for as many days as possible?

Since my actual birthday was on Saturday, and I was going to be out of the office on Friday, my celebration began on Thursday, March 3^rd.  My office staff decorated my office with balloons and a banner, we enjoyed a lovely lunch together in our conference room, and at two-thirty in the afternoon an ice cream truck showed up. I’m still a kid at heart, but the adult in me finished most, not all, of a banana split.

On Friday I flew from Los Angeles to New York City, enjoyed a pleasant dinner in the upstairs dining room of, “21,” and saw Arthur Miller’s play The Crucible on Broadway from a great fifth row seat.  The show was still in previews, but I predict it will win several Tony awards.

Saturday afternoon of my birthday weekend I bought a front row seat to a performance of the musical Les Miserable.  This is my favorite light opera, and I have seen it about eight times. The first time I saw it in Los Angeles many years ago, and I sat in the last row of the orchestra.  I didn’t enjoy it much.  Years later I saw Les Miz again in London from the third row.  It was great.  The next time I saw it in London I sat in the balcony and the performance was okay.  Are you seeing a pattern? I always enjoy a theatrical experience far more when I’m sitting in one of the first five rows, and much less if I’m seated further back. That makes sense. How involved would you be in our conversation if we were fifty feet apart using megaphones?

Following the afternoon performance on Saturday, I enjoyed dinner at The Robert restaurant overlooking Central Park.  Excellent view, excellent service, excellent food.

I worked off a small part of my dinner with a brisk six block walk to see the Saturday evening performance of Fiddler on the Roof.  Outstanding dancing and the actor portraying the lead role of Tevia was even better than in the original production.  Have I mentioned that I cried throughout Les Miz, and more than a few times in Fiddler?

Are you exhausted yet?  Not me.  Sunday morning I flew to Las Vegas, hired a car for the two hour drive to Death Valley (below sea level) to see for myself the unusual flower bloom.  I thoroughly enjoyed my day, including several hikes to the surreal sights unique to Death Valley.

Finally a quick lunch at Panda Express, the scenic drive back to Las Vegas for a quick flight back to Los Angeles and, my favorite part of every vacation, arriving at my home where I answered a number of emails that had accumulated over the weekend.

My thoughts about my four-day 76^th birthday party?  I enjoy the ride, no matter what my age.

You don’t have to wait for a special event to love every single day of your life.

Alan

I recently met Natasha, a petite fifty-year-old woman, who told me the following story.

“When I was seven or eight years old,” she said,” I ran extremely fast.  I often won races, but I was mostly interested in the three-legged race where I ran with a partner and one of my legs was tied to hers.”

“I did that when I was a kid,” I said.  “It can sure slow you down.”

“That depends on whether or not you have the right partner.”

“I was pretty slow,” I said, “so I always picked the fastest boy to run with me.”

“I’ll bet you didn’t do too well.”

“Actually, you’re right.  I didn’t.  How did you guess?”

“Because,” she said, “you chose the wrong partner.  If you’re slow you don’t want to be tied to the fastest runner.  You want to run with a partner who has a stride most compatible with your own.  I’m small, so it wouldn’t have worked for me to team up with the tallest girl in my class.”

“So did you usually win?” I was pretty sure I already knew the answer.

Natasha smiled.  “Every time,” she said.

After our meeting I began to think about relationships. We always look for a partner who meets certain criteria – tall, short, older, younger, with children, without children.  We have our conditions, and that’s a good thing.  For example, I’m not comfortable learning a foreign language, so I wouldn’t consider a woman who didn’t speak English.

But our standards for a relationship often fail to include a few essential values.  My friend Kevin, for example, wanted a woman who was thin and who would join him in activities, even if she didn’t like to do them.  In this way, he thought, she “proved” her love by doing things just to please him.  Although he had many relationships, not surprisingly, none of them seemed to “stick.”  He didn’t include what, to me, is the most important requirement of all – that his partner care deeply for him.

Years ago Stacie asked me if she should marry Tom.

“He’s really cute, a good companion, great with my kids, but he’s not an intellectual.”

“Is sex good,” I asked?

“Terrific,” she said.

“Then marry him.  Companionship and being good with your kids are a lot more important than discussing Sartre or Camus at the dinner table.  You can always find intellectual stimulation by taking a class or talking with your friends.”

For me the one essential I cannot do without is compatibility.  Do you like going to bed at nine pm?  Watching TV (and what shows)?  Seeing movies together?  Going dancing.  Eating meals at home or going out every night?  Taking vacations together – at the beach or hiking the Appalachian Trail?  Do you spend money carefully?  Do you enjoy laughing at my jokes?  Repeatedly.

Every couple is going to be different in many respects.  Often an introvert does well married to an extrovert who will blaze the trail in social settings.  You certainly don’t have to be the same, but to enter into a relationship which will endure you do need to be compatible in many areas which are important to each of you.

As for Natasha, for many years, she’s been happily married to a six foot six inch professional basketball star, proving that, in the three-legged race of relationships, compatibility counts. And Natasha still laughs at all of his jokes.

Alan