Alan Fox

I wish I had written that line myself, but it has already been attributed to Marcel Proust.  Regardless, it resonates with me.

Each of us is attracted to pleasure.  We enjoy connecting with friends, eating our favorite meals, or spending time with family. We return to those activities that bring us pleasure such as camping, watching a movie, playing chess, or arguing in court.

But if we suddenly experience excruciating pain while relishing our favorite dinner, we will either call 911, or immediately leave for the nearest hospital emergency room. We will suspend “listening” to pleasure in order to “obey” pain.  This makes sense to me.

The life lesson I draw from this idea is:  continue to find more pleasure in my own life.

One pleasure-step I have taken is to practice “talking” to myself in a constructive way.  When I have an experience I don’t enjoy, I tell myself I have learned a useful lesson – and that I can apply that lesson to bring more fun to my life in the future.  In other words, I think positively.  After all, who talks to you more than anyone else?  You do.

If I don’t enjoy dinner at a new restaurant, as we’re leaving I tell my wife, “I’ve enjoyed both meals here.  My first and my last.”  She always laughs.  Humor brings us a lot of shared pleasure.

When I was fourteen years old, I came home from school with a pain in my abdomen.  That evening my parents called the doctor.  As a result, my dad drove me straight to the hospital where, that night, my appendix was removed.  The following week was quite painful, but even at that early age I said to myself, “This is great.  I’m going to remember this horrible pain for the rest of my life so I will better appreciate the pleasure that comes from the absence of pain.”

I am always seeking to expand my pleasure repertoire.  I often remind myself to enjoy the simple acts of breathing, or writing, or taking a walk.  Pleasure is always created in your own mind.

I recently visited the Mt. Wilson Observatory (which was the home of the largest telescope in the world back when I was born).  An astronomer there told me that, for sure, our sun will go nova in 4.5 billion years, and will engulf the earth. 

I’m not going to worry about what might happen in 4.5 billion years, or even what might happen tomorrow.  I am going to listen, as closely as I can, to all of the pleasure I experience today – including the writing of this blog.

Cheers!

Alan

Recently, I arrived at the airport early for an eight-hour flight. Even though I wasn’t particularly hungry, I bought a large burrito and ate every bite.  As I sat waiting to board the airplane I wondered why I did that.

I soon realized that, because I didn’t trust the airline food, I was “pre-eating.” I also realized that this is part of a bigger pattern in my life. I often eat “a little more” for breakfast, just in case lunch is late, and “a little more” for lunch because dinner is such a long way off.  Then I eat “a little more” at dinner because I enjoy the food and also because, when I was young, my father allowed only positive talk at the dinner table.  That meant it was a safe place to indulge myself.

Before this insight I had never consciously realized that my family’s “depression mentality” around food (there may not be enough at the next meal), combined with my assumption that I should never, ever feel hungry, even for an hour or two, were shaping my current eating habits.

Darn!

I know we need to establish habits to live a productive life.  I fully stop at a “Stop” sign, I take the same pills at the same time each morning, and I have a smile on my face most of the time to encourage positive encounters.  But some habits are unconscious and not productive, or may have outlived their usefulness. (I no longer use a kitchen ladder to climb up onto the counter.)

With food I’m pretty good at avoiding “post-eating.”  When I put my knife and fork down on my plate, I’ve finished that meal.  When I decide, in advance, “no desert,” I usually stick to my decision.

Now I’m going to work on eliminating my previously unconscious “pre-eating” habit. I’ll also remind myself that it’s perfectly okay to be hungry for a few hours – although I’ll probably not start completely trusting airline food anytime soon.

That’s it for now.  I’m not going to start wondering why I wait until the last minute every week to write my blog.

Alan

Raise your hand if you have ever tried to buy anything online, or in a store for that matter, and given up because the line was too long or the process too difficult.

I see a lot of raised hands.  And yet, wasn’t that the initial secret of Amazon’s success?  It was fast, convenient and easy to use.

I still remember sitting in a poetry class in the late 1990’s when the teacher asked us to buy books by a variety of poets.  “Some of these books may be difficult to find,” he said.

“Why not order them on Amazon?” I said.

“What’s an ‘Amazon’?” he said.

Believe it or not there was a time when Amazon, the company, was little known.  Amazon didn’t sell its first product, books, to the public until July, 1995.  I used to shop in bookstores often, but I found Amazon much easier to use.  Just a few clicks separated me from virtually any book I wanted. And then they arrived at my desk a few days later.  The Amazon web site was easy to understand and easy to use.  That’s why it appealed to me then, and why it appeals to me now.  There’s a lot to be said for instant (or at least quick and easy) gratification.

So why not rip a crucial page out of the Amazon playbook.  Whenever you want someone else to do something for you, make it easy for them.

If I wanted my father to attend a play with me, all I had to do was to tell him I would buy the tickets and pick him up.  If I want to have lunch with you I might offer to pick you up and take you to your favorite restaurant, my treat.

In short, lay out a road that is attractive and an easy downhill coast for me, rather than one full of potholes that is steep and arduous.

Now that I think about it, I’m going to use that technique more often – on myself.

Alan